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March 11, 2015

Barb Weir interviews moderate Syrian rebels

Barb Weir is the pseudonym of a satire writer and social justice advocate in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Global Research reports that the US will send up to 1000 troops to train moderate Syrian rebels at centers in Saudi Arabia, Turkey and Qatar this spring.  After much searching, I was able to find three of the prospective trainees and talk to them about their expectations.

Barb Weir:   Do you know where the three of you will be stationed?

Al-Lahri:   I will be in Saudi Arabia, Muwe in Qatar and Kerliyye in Turkey.

BW:   Why do you think they will split you up like that?

Muwe:   They want programs in each of these locations.  If they don’t split us up, they would have to close at least one of the locations.

BW:   Why is that?

Kerliyye:   I thought you knew.  We’re the only remaining moderate rebels.

BW:   Just you three?  Then why so many trainers?

al-Lahri:   You gotta have a big training program to show you’re serious about helping the moderate rebels, right?

BW:   So what makes you moderate?

Kerliyye:   A little hashish works for me.  Ow!

Muwe:   No, you numbskull, she wants to know why they call us moderate rebels.

Al-Lahri:   It’s because we’re ready to kill the enemies of the United States and Israel and get big bucks from the US, Qatar and Saudi Arabia for doing it.

Muwe:   Yeah, yeah, and we’re ready to do it the American way, too.

BW:   What way is that?

Kerliyye:   To sit behind a computer in air conditioned comfort and send cruise missiles all over the place.  I like being a moderate.  Nye-nye-nye.

BW:   Don’t you care at all about Syria?

Al-Lahri:   Why would we care about Syria?

BW:   You said you were Syrian rebels.  Aren’t you from Syria?

Muwe:   You must be joking.  Since when are Syrian rebels from Syria?  They come from Afar, Afghanistan, Albania, Angola, Australia, Azabaijan, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Belgium, Benin, Bosnia, Britain, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Canada, Central African Republic, Chad, Chechnya, Denmark, Djibouti, Egypt, France…

BW:   OK, OK…

Muwe:   …but Syria?  Please, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a Syrian Syrian rebel.  And there weren’t that many to start with.

BW:   Why is that?  Surely there must be plenty more willing to do this for the money you say you’re making.  Why only you three?

Kerliyye:   Well, I hate to say it…

al-Lahri:   You see, it’s like this…

Muwe:   I’m going to tell her, you guys.

BW:   Tell me what?

Muwe:   Well, ISIL, ISIS, the Islamic state – whatever you want to call it – they’re paying even better and getting their money from the same places as us.  It’s not fair!

BW:   So why aren’t you working for them?

al-Lahri:   This is really embarrassing.

Kerliyye:   Yeah.

Muwe:   We’re the rejects.  Can you imagine that?

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